The Train Station

The Train Station

And then I turned and found myself in a busy train station of seemingly endless size. I was sitting on a bench and as far as I could see to my left, right, behind and in front of me were hordes of people each purposefully going in a different direction. Each person I saw was headed somewhere—but where was I headed? If I didn't know, how would anyone be able to tell me? Why couldn't someone just take my hand and lead me out of this mad place?

I stood up. I lifted my right foot and placed it a short distance in front of my body. I did the same with my left foot. I repeated this process and, before long, I had begun walking quite briskly. I started dodging those determined people as I tried to figure out where to go. It was then I noticed something peculiar that I hadn't noticed at first. Almost everyone I saw was headed the opposite way I was. They were all quickly pacing the direction behind me. It seemed definitely worth at least a quick look as to what everyone was so interested in. Once this realization came to me, I quickly spun around and began walking with them. I noticed there was a bright shining light far off in the distance. It was such a long ways away, in fact, that it was quite blurry. It looked pretty, and I figured it must be what everyone was heading towards. I kept walking for a while in this direction and, Lo!, it was very beautiful. Quite possibly the most stunning and amazing light I had ever laid eyes upon. The closer I got the more it sparkled—and the more it sparkled, the more my heart desired it.

As the masses drew closer to this light of many colors, I noticed people around me pushing. Some people were starting to get rather rude about the whole ordeal. It was as if each person wanted to get to this jewel first. I kept walking until I felt two strong hands shove me from behind and I fell and slid on my face a few feet. I snapped to my feel and spun around and punched the man square between the eyes. He flew back and whipped out a handful of people behind him on his way to the floor. What had come over me? Why did it feel so good to retaliate? I noticed that I wasn't just pondering this thought—I was walking possibly faster than I had been walking the whole time. I was getting closer now.

It was at this moment that I noticed two or three people lifting an old man up off the dirty, sandstone floor. On the floor you could see little specks of sand, dirt, and pieces of garbage. I remembered the floor feeling like sandpaper when my face had slid on it. The old man had a hole in the right knee of his pants and the threads were long past the point of fraying on both his pants and his white shirt. One lady had a washcloth in her hand and was tending to his wounds. The other man was straightening the older mans torn clothes and pointing back the opposite direction as he murmured something to the old man. The woman began to nod her head in agreement with what the younger man was saying. Before long, the three of them began walking the opposite direction. I looked over my shoulder at first until they were getting far enough away that I needed to turn around in order to see them. Where were they going? How high on the drink must you be to turn away from this light and the hordes of people heading this direction? Were the mad? Perhaps they had fallen one too many times and they couldn't think clearly anymore. Everyone was heading towards this jewel light, why would they go away from it? How could anything be better than this?

Before I could finish this thought I heard the deep and echoing scream of a man and then felt the blow as he ran me over—smacking my head against the stony floor. I came to my senses what must have been no longer than five seconds later because I pulled my bloody face up from the cold floor to see a blurry figure of a large man bounding off towards the diamond-like light. My head then collapsed back to the hard floor in pain. First I figured he must be the one who ran my over—but this was quickly erased with the question of why my eyes were so blurry? I blinked my eyes a few times in hopes my old vision would return to me but it was no use. As I lay on the sandy stone floor, I reached my right hand up to rub my eyes. This didn't do a thing either. The thought came back to me: where had the old man and his helpers gone?

My vision was leaving me. I could no longer see the great light that everyone was fighting to get to. A tear ran from my eye onto the floor. Shortly, my eyes began to weep. I didn't even know what to do now. Why should I run to this great light if I won't even be able to see it? It was at this moment that I almost thought I heard something. It was hard to notice with all the clamoring of feet, jeering of voices, and yells of pain from other fallers like myself. Perhaps it wasn't anything. Perchance it was just another old person falling to the floor. Wait. For a moment I think I heard it again. It wasn't coming from the direction of the sparkly light but rather from far off in the distance—in the direction I had almost forgot I was heading what seemed like years ago. How long had it been since I began heading this direction?

Now on my knees, I looked down into the puddle of my tears. I could hardly make out the picture of my face with my terrible vision. But, the mirror showed a bloody and sad man. From what I could see, there were purple and blue bruises on my face and I felt a large cut in my neck. How could it be that I looked so bad? Why, just a few minutes ago I was young and full of life with the chance to go anywhere in the train station I wanted to. How long had I been pacing towards the jewel light? Before I could get too saddened by the puddle mirror's reflection, I heard that sound again. This time it was a bit louder. I could tell it was a voice now. It was calling my name. The smile that broke on my face reminded me that I had been clenching my teeth in a frown since I turned towards the jewel light so very long ago. But, I smiled. His voice spoke to me again and the smile grew larger.

I didn't fully understand what the words were saying, but it sounded amazing to hear my voice being called from the distance. As I turned and began walking back towards where I had come from, I started to not care that I could hardly see anything. I heard his voice grow louder and louder, and I began to run faster and faster. I could understand some of what he was saying now. "Keep running, my child. Don't look back. I will clean your wounds and give you your sight." It sounded too good to be true. I ran faster than ever now. All of a sudden, I slipped on something and flew through the air only to land on the cold floor once again. I crawled back a ways to see what had caught my foot and sent my flying. Reaching my hands around, I felt a body of a man lying on the floor. I said "hello" and he answered back, "Please don't punch me, sir!" "Why would I punch you?" I said. "You did so about an hour ago—why wouldn't you do it again?" "You're the man I hit?" I said. "Forgive me for I am heading towards a voice now." "I can hear him calling my name from this way." I pointed the direction I had come from many hours ago. "Is that so?" he said. "Yes," I said, "you can come with me." "Why should I come with you?" It was at that moment the voice I'd been hearing said the name Henry. "Henry?" I said puzzled—trying to figure out why the great voice had uttered this name. "What do you want?" said the man lying on the ground. "Is that your name?" I asked surprised. "Of course it is," said the man. "He wants you too, Henry!" I quickly helped Henry to his feet and brushed off his clothes because I assumed, though I could not see, that they were as dirty as mine had been the first time I had fallen.

At this point, Henry was hearing his name being called by the great voice as well. We joined hands and began running towards the great voice we were hearing. "He said he'll make me alive!" said Henry as we ran. I could hear him sniffling and beginning to cry. We ran on. We both decided that we could run faster if we weren't holding on to each other's hands—and so, our bond was broken. "I'll see you later," Henry yelled as he ran on ahead. I could run faster now, but I also began to bump into things. It was getting much harder to see anything at this point and it seemed to be getting darker and darker too. I began to get discouraged and slowed down to a walk. I then brushed my knee on something. After a moment I realized it was a bench. It was the bench I had sat on many hours ago. I sat on it once more now as I contemplated my suffering vision. I looked over my shoulder back towards the jewel light. It sure was brighter in that direction. I could barely see the direction I was headed now. Maybe I should turn around and head back? What was so bad about it, after all? At least, in that direction, the light would help me see. I'd be much happier if I went back towards the jewel light. Why would I trust this voice I heard, even if he was calling my name?

I stood up with every intention of heading towards the jewel light as the voice spoke to me once again. "I am the rest that you need. I am all that you're searching for. The plans are in my hand and you cannot see the whole picture." If this were true, it would change everything. I believed this voice, so I pressed on. It was much harder to see now, but the great voice began talking to me more than he had before.. "This way! To your left!" I ran to my left. "A little more to your right… Keep running!" I ran harder than ever now. "You're almost here... Press on, child!" He was leading me.

The more I ran on towards the great voice, the less people I sensed around me. In fact, as I called out questioningly, I noticed that no one was anywhere near me. I kept running and I think I passed a couple people on the way, but why were so few people heading this direction? The voice spoke again, "This way child!" My legs were growing tired. I collapsed to the floor once again. I couldn't stop moving towards the voice, though. "I'm close now, child. Press on." I began to crawl as I listened to direction from the great, kind voice. "Over the little bridge that is coming up, child, you're almost there." I felt my way to a small wooden bridge and pulled myself across it. The wood was smooth to the touch and felt soft to my aching knees. The water below was a beautiful rushing river. It was blue like the sky and the falls were whiter than the clouds. The warmth of the sun felt like a blanket to my frozen body.

At this moment I realized that not only could I see, but also I could see beauty upon beauty! The luscious green blades of grass sifted between my toes as I was now running through a meadow. I saw a gathering of people up ahead by a large dock in the river. I could see now that the river led to a great sea just off in the distance. A boat was docked there and the great and ever so friendly voice was speaking to everyone. The few people in attendance listened intently. He was the most amazing thing I had ever seen! He was immeasurably brighter than the jewel light I had seen before. I couldn't stop looking at him. I didn't even care about the beauty of the place anymore—I could see him! He asked, after seeing his face, who wanted to go back to the jewel light we had all seen a ways back? I found myself bursting out laughing with all of those around me. It was as if he had told the funniest joke we'd ever heard. Who would trade this glorious light—this light of unending brightness, joy, and hope for the dull sparkle we had seen earlier? Absurd!

He welcomed us all on to his ship. One by one we poured on. As each of us entered the ship, The Great Voice would call us by name, saying: "Well done, my child. You saw the jewel light in the place back there, but you pressed on for something greater. You fought the fight well, my child. Welcome to my ship. Welcome to eternal wonder and mystery!"

with all my heart

Jeremiah 29:11-13
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."

Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your paths straight.

Joshua 1:9
[after Moses died and Joshua was charged with leading the people across the Jordan...]

Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.

Psalm 31:14
"But as for me, I trust in You, O Lord;
I say, 'You are my God. My times are in Your hand."

time to go, time to go

my earth is trying to hold you
but it's time for you to fly
time for you to experience life
experience joy
experience me

this earth has housed you for a while
your lungs were made for so much more
the air you breathe is not desired
your father knows
your father knows

you've been visiting a country
that was never made to be your home
the time has come for us to meet
time to go
time to go

[1/8/08 - 9:30 p.m.]