Who I Want To Become

I must do the things I don't want to do in order to become who I want to become.

(Thanks Coach Landry)

My Prayer

I come to you hungry and I come to you broken—knowing that you and only you can fix the trouble in my heart and only you can satisfy the starvation in my soul.

Hungry, I come to you for I know you satisfy
I am empty, but I know Your love does not run dry
And so I wait for You
So I wait for You

Broken, I run to You for Your arms are open wide
I am weary, but I know Your touch restores my life
And so I wait for You
So I wait for You

I'm falling on my knees
Offering all of me
Jesus, You're all this heart is living for


What kind of crazy state do we live in where Measure 43 can go down by such a huge margin? How sad.

Blindly Obvious

"I view superstition and religion in pretty much the same light. They're both a set of beliefs based on nothing. Yeah right, the Bible's not full of hypocrisy... (Everyone laughs.)"

I don't fully know how wonderful it is to have my eyes open. The Bible says there was nothing I did and nothing I could do to earn this grace and the ability to have my eyes open to the truth. But, as I get more and more glimpses of what it looks like to not have your eyes opened, I realize how absolutely amazing this gift is. The truth is perfectly clear. My life has been changed and I can never go back.

On the other side, it makes me deeply sad. There is often nothing that can be said to someone unless their eyes are open. Why would they want to follow something that was going to cost them anything? What would compel them to stop living the way they are if they don't see that there is someone who is calling them to a better life with eternity in mind?

But, that doesn't mean I shouldn't say anything. No matter how hopeless it may seem, nothing is impossible for God. Never underestimate the power of my Jesus. Besides, Christ never said I was going to fit in--In fact, He said I shouldn't fit in. So, the more instances where I find myself sticking out like a sore thumb, I should praise the Lord for opening my eyes and saving me.

Prone To Wander, Lord I Feel It

On the surface not a ripple
Undercurrent wages war
Quiet in the sanctuary
Sin is crouching at my door

I wake to find my soul in fragments
Given to a thousand loves
But only One will have no rival
Hangs to heal me, spills His blood

How can I be so prone to wander
So prone to leave You
So prone to die
And how can You be so full of mercy
You race to meet me and bring me back to life
|Chris Rice-1998|

O to grace how great a debtor
Daily I'm constrained to be!
Let Thy goodness, like a fetter,
Bind my wandering heart to Thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Here's my heart, O take and seal it,
Seal it for Thy courts above.
|Robert Robinson-1758|

My Shallowly Unconditional Love

It's amazing how unlovable I am and how that doesn't stop God from pouring out more love than anyone can imagine. I think the reason this is hard to understand is because I'm used to a love that fails--all human love fails at some point, and to some degree. It's confusing when I try to understand a love that isn't failing--that can't fail. Human love waves. When a person is good, they're loved more... When they're not so good, the love might go down. God's love is unconditional in that it never fluctuates. It is always the highest form of love possible.

Unconditional love is quite amazing. I'm not saying that humans are incapable of unconditional love. God's level, however, of unconditional love is infinitely (because He is infinite) greater than our form. Our form of "unconditional love" still fluctuates (even if only to grow better.) God's form is always the best. When I am at my lowest point, His perfect love for me is the same as it was when I was at my highest point.

I'm so used to the shallow love of human kind and, because of this, it is often the way that I choose to love God. I'm imperfect so this may be the only way I can consistently love God (which is the reason that God had to die for me.) However, I'm still filled with this longing to love God on a higher lever--a truer level (this longing is what makes a person a God-follower, I believe.)

...and everything You hold in Your hands, still You make time for me, I can't understand... So I praise You God of earth and sky, how beautiful is Your unfailing love...

My Shallow Love

Forgive me for my failing love that is so shallow in comparison to Your's. Help me find Wisdom to be my companion for all of my days.

How blessed is the man who finds wisdom And the man who gains understanding. For her profit is better than the profit of silver And her gain better than fine gold. She is more precious than jewels; Nothing you desire compares with her. Her ways are pleasant ways And all her paths are peace.

Does not wisdom call,
And understanding lift up her voice?
On top of the heights beside the way,
Where the paths meet, she takes her stand;
Beside the gates, at the opening to the city,
At the entrance of the doors, she cries out:
"To you, O men, I call,
And my voice is to the sons of men.
"O naive ones, understand prudence;
And, O fools, understand wisdom.
"Listen, for I will speak noble things;
And the opening of my lips will reveal right things.
"For my mouth will utter truth;
And wickedness is an abomination to my lips.
"All the utterances of my mouth are in righteousness;
There is nothing crooked or perverted in them.
"They are all straightforward to him who understands,
And right to those who find knowledge.
"Take my instruction and not silver,
And knowledge rather than choicest gold."
For wisdom is better than jewels;
"I, wisdom, dwell with prudence,
And I find knowledge and discretion.
The fear of the LORD is to hate evil;
Pride and arrogance and the evil way
And the perverted mouth, I hate."
"I love those who love me;
And those who diligently seek me will find me.
Riches and honor are with me,
Enduring wealth and righteousness."
"My fruit is better than gold, even pure gold,
And my yield better than choicest silver."
"I walk in the way of righteousness,
In the midst of the paths of justice,
To endow those who love me with wealth,
That I may fill their treasuries."
"Now therefore, O sons, listen to me,
For blessed are they who keep my ways."
"Heed instruction and be wise,
And do not neglect it."
"Blessed is the man who listens to me,
Watching daily at my gates,
Waiting at my doorposts."
For he who finds me finds life
And obtains favor from the LORD."

I guess Wisdom doesn't sound like a bad person to marry.

Fear The Lord

"My son, do not forget my teaching, but let your heart keep my commandments; For length of days and years of life and peace they will add to you. Do not let kindness and truth leave you; Bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. So you will find favor and good repute In the sight of God and man. Trust in the LORD with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.

Do not be wise in your own eyes; Fear the LORD and turn away from evil. It will be healing to your body and refreshment to your bones. Honor the LORD from your wealth and from the first of all your produce; So your barns will be filled with plenty and your vats will overflow with new wine. My son, do not reject the discipline of the LORD or loathe His reproof, For whom the LORD loves He reproves, Even as a father corrects the son in whom he delights. How blessed is the man who finds wisdom and the man who gains understanding. For her profit is better than the profit of silver and her gain better than fine gold. She is more precious than jewels; and nothing you desire compares with her. Long life is in her right hand; In her left hand are riches and honor. Her ways are pleasant ways and all her paths are peace. She is a tree of life to those who take hold of her, and happy are all who hold her fast.

The LORD by wisdom founded the earth, By understanding He established the heavens.
By His knowledge the deeps were broken up and the skies drip with dew. My son, let them not vanish from your sight; Keep sound wisdom and discretion,
So they will be life to your soul and adornment to your neck. Then you will walk in your way securely and your foot will not stumble. When you lie down, you will not be afraid; When you lie down, your sleep will be sweet. Do not be afraid of sudden fear Nor of the onslaught of the wicked when it comes; For the LORD will be your confidence and will keep your foot from being caught. Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, When it is in your power to do it. Do not say to your neighbor, "Go, and come back, and tomorrow I will give it," When you have it with you. Do not devise harm against your neighbor, While he lives securely beside you.

Do not contend with a man without cause, If he has done you no harm. Do not envy a man of violence and do not choose any of his ways. For the devious are an abomination to the LORD; But He is intimate with the upright. The curse of the LORD is on the house of the wicked, But He blesses the dwelling of the righteous. Though He scoffs at the scoffers, Yet He gives grace to the afflicted. The wise will inherit honor, But fools display dishonor."

Proverbs 3

I Truly Do

I'm speechless as I try to ponder You right now, Lord--why You would even want to know me and have to see me fall away from You over and over again. But, You say that it's not about me... And, I'm selfish to even question these things. I get so angry at people when they ignore You and think that they are making this world turn; then I realize that I'm 'people' too. We're smaller than a piece of dust compared to the universe which contains galaxies that man will never know exist. This faith seems so hard sometimes, but while considering the universe--it seems quite easy. You've created it all with words. How great You are. How awesome You are...! So much higher than anything, and any mere man. I could search for all time and find nothing that satisfies as You do... Perfect. You are perfection defined. My soul finds rest in You alone... In you there is no fear or stress. The world melts when I'm focused on You. Rulers and kings will bow to You for all eternity and never have it be enough worship. All human kind will bow before You for all eternity and it will never come close to what You deserve...

He's more than the laughter or the stars in the heavens
As close a heartbeat or a song on our lips
Someday we'll trust Him and learn how to see Him
Someday He'll call us and we will come running
And fall in His arms and the tears will fall down and we'll pray,

I want to fall in love with You...
I want to fall in love with You...

Fly The Ocean In A Silver Plane

Proverbs 16
Commit your works to the Lord
And your plans will be established.
The Lord has made everything for its own purpose.
By lovingkindness and truth iniquity is atoned for,
And by the fear of the Lord one keeps away from evil.
When a man's ways are pleasing to the Lord,
He makes even his enemies to be at peace with him.
Better is a little with righteousness
Than great income with injustice.
The mind of man plans his way,
But the Lord directs his steps.

Commit your works to the Lord, and your plans will be established. It's telling me not to commit to searching for my plans, but rather to commit my works to the Lord—and, in doing so, the Lord will establish my plans. It's simply a change of commitments—from myself, to the Lord.

Nothing Else But You

For me, You are all I need today
You are everything I love
You're my portion--my full cup
You're filling me

My Treasure beyond worth
I find my joy in You
You are my life, You are my strength
Oh nothing else will do

And I will leave what keeps me from You
And hides the truth from view
And breaks Your heart in two
But You're healing me

My Treasure beyond worth
I find my joy in You
You are my life, You are my strength
Oh nothing else will do

The cross, points the way to my home
It Guides me to Your throne
To see Your glory shown
And I'll fly to You

My Treasure beyond worth
I find my joy in You
You are my life, You are my strength
Oh nothing else will do

Lead, Thou, Me On

LEAD, kindly Light, amid the encircling gloom,
Lead thou me on!
The night is dark, and I am far from home,--
Lead thou me on!
Keep thou my feet! I do not ask to see
The distant scene--one step enough for me.

I was not ever thus, nor prayed that thou
Shouldst lead me on;
I loved to choose and see my path; but now
Lead thou me on!
I loved the garish day, and, spite of fears,
Pride ruled my will: remember not past years!

So long thy power hath blest me, sure it still
Will lead me on,
O'er moor and fen, o'er crag and torrent, till
The night is gone,
And with the morn those angel faces smile
Which I have loved long since, and lost awhile.

[John Henry Newman -- 1801-1890]

Who Knows

"Everyone is looking for and trying to write a single quote that sums up all the workings and behavior of man into one small and compact sentence. This is not that quote."

-Nate Hanson 12:10AM -- January 2nd, 2006