My Life Is Yours
I recently came across a recording of a song I wrote when I was probably 14. Now, the song only has a few notes in it, but I'm trying not to judge the poor songwriting skills I had as a 14-year-old, since I consider them stepping stones. The quality of the recording is comparable to that of an answering machine message. The lyrics are kind of bland and the creativity in singing was lacking. All this to say, I was laughing pretty hard when I listened to it. But, as I was laughing about the song, how my voice has changed (I like to think, at least) and how I wasn't quite on pitch for all of the notes, I was also encouraged by the words I wrote when I was just 14—nearly 7 years ago, or a third of my life.
In reflection, the Lord has been so faithful in leading and guiding me to this place in my life. While I barely remembered that this song existed and while I certainly don't remember what caused me write it, I do remember, in a general sense, the uncertainty I felt when I was 14. What would my life be? How would I live it? What makes some people live a life that is fully devoted to God? It's strange because, while some of these questions have been answer for me at nearly 21, I'm still asking some similarly large questions. Why do some people's lives look absolutely crazy and others don't, though they say they believe the same thing? Is God happy with followers that ask how little they can do and make it to heaven, or is he happy with those who ask how much they can do because of all they've been given? If I've seen a Treasure in a field, how can I justify not giving my whole life away?
The questions haven't changed and I pray they never will. I may never find answers, but I know, if I keep asking these questions, I'll find the Truth.